Following few courtesy of Captain Jon (madeinbirmingham.org)

"Hoskins, did you say you checked the wet runway perfmance before landing"?

"It was never like this when i was on the Ferries"

"No you pratt Belfast Harbour is an airport".

"Belfast Harbour Tower from Easy 108 are you sure it was first left".

"Always wondered why they called the brakes, The Anchors"

"Tower from Easy 107 how much standing water did you say was on the runway"?

"Hello handling from Easy 125 can you tell catering its bottled water we are short of!"

"From Easy 156 to handling can you ask Servisair who did the toilet service to come back to the aircraft please"

"Hello Tower yes we definately need a TUG!"

"I said there would be problems with the Venice service."

"And finally ladies and gentlemen can i say thank you for sailing with Easy Jet"

"Ladies and Gentlemen this is the Captain speaking if you look out of the left window you will see, f*****g ell where are we"?

"This f*****g Sat Nav, it never works"

"I told you we needed de-icing"

HEADLINES

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Stock Market latest - easyjet floats.

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Retired sea captain joins easyJet

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Others